I’ve always said that I don’t hold grudges, I just remember facts. Some people have argued with me that you can’t do one without the other. I disagree. Whilst I forgive people for a perceived wrong, I think that it is smart to remember what they have done. This is to make sure that it doesn’t form a pattern. If someone continues to do the same thing to upset you, in my opinion you are no longer turning the other cheek. You are putting your cheek to the ground as they walk all over you.
I like to think that I forgive more easily now. I used to operate a one strike policy, on the basis that that fooling me twice would put the shame on me. As you can imagine, this led to a steadily decreasing number of associates as people will always make mistakes (myself included).
I do not suffer fools, but I have tried to raise my tolerance threshold in recent years. That being said, I struggle to forgive people if I don’t get an apology first. My thinking is that someone has to be sorry in order to be forgiven. But I’ve learned that while I sit there seething and awaiting my apology, the other person continues to live their lives guilt and care free.
My sister and my nephew can often be heard screeching the lyrics to Disney’s Let it go (from the film Frozen). My housemate and I were having a late night chat where she stated that she will make 2015 the year of non complaint. She has decided that she will try to learn to let things go.
I am awful at letting things go. I hash and rehash conversations in my mind, until it affects me so much that I dream about them too. I go over all the things that I shoulda woulda coulda said. This is probably because I need to forgive in order to forget. So failure to do one inevitably leads to an inability to do the other.
Although, I have learned that in the workplace, mainly in retail, the people who complain the most and the loudest are the ones who get what they want. So maybe there is something in being a whinge bag.
How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray’r accepted, and each wish resign’d
In difficult times, I have often wished that, like in the film, I could erase all memories associated with specific people from my mind. There are some things I have experienced, and at the end of them, I reflect back on what I have learned. Which is usually nothing. So I would much prefer to erase the painful memories that contribute to my life in absolutely no way.
So maybe forgiving AND forgetting is right, but just in the wrong order. If you forget about all the things that upset you, then there will be nothing to forgive. But then again, if you...