The other day, I was privy to a conversation about Ebola. I listened to the gentleman as he stated that Ebola was not real and it was a government made disease to create panic. I was surprised that he believed this with such fervour but it was not news to me that some people think this. Whether it is manufactured or natural, it can not be ignored that whatever 'Ebola' is, it is fatal. I don't believe it is a manufactured disease, but even if it was, it would still exist and you should still take precautions against it. An excuse given to its lack of credibility was that the disease should have killed more people than it has if it was real. Because apparently, over 4000 people isn't enough! My understanding is that Ebola isn't airborne so it wouldn't be contagious in the same way or as easily spread as a cold or flu. It is transmitted by coming into contact with the fluids of the infected. Much in a similar way to you not catching HIV just by standing next to a sufferer.
Another Ebola related conspiracy theory was shared by Chris Brown last week. He suggested that the disease is a form of population control. He was very quickly cyber abused into a retraction. I'm pretty sure there are more effective ways of wiping out the population. Although the disease is spreading, given the billions of people on earth, the current death rate would be a drop in the ocean.
I've never been one for conspiracy theories. Unless they are related to me. I have often thrown tantrums shouting that the world is against me and whilst I believe this to be true, I am quite skeptical when people approach me with another tale about what the government has done.
I believe, with an unwavering faith that they put cocaine in cakes. That's why the both start with the letter 'C'. Coincidence?! I think not! What else could adequately explain why I eat so many of them? I am clearly a victim! And the come down is such a b*tch that I have little choice but to top myself back up.
And someone somewhere knows this because they have decided to open a dessert place right next to my gym. Correction: before you get to the dessert place, you have to pass by mcdonalds. If that's not a conspiracy, then I don't what is!
Another conspiracy theory that is brought to mind is that the US government created HIV to rid the world of homosexuals and blacks. Given that medication in the Western world is good enough to allow sufferers to live relatively long and normal lives, I don't know how true that is. Plus slavery was pretty effective with that amongst blacks anyways. If anything, wouldn't it make more sense for it to have been the pharmaceutical companies that create these diseases as they profit the most from it? Would the Government really create a disease that would then cost them money to look after the infected? It doesn't make much sense. I get that the logic is that if more people die, it would use less resources so it would benefit the country in that way. But a condition like HIV means that a lot of treatment would take place before that happens and people would be entitled to health care so they would probably drain a similar amount of resources as if they hadn't been 'given' the illness to begin with.
I've noticed that everything that goes wrong comes down to 'The Man'. It's 'The Man' keeping us down. Well people, if you paid any attention in science class, you would know that it's actually gravity keeping us down. I can man bash as well as the next person but can we really blame 'The Man' for everything?! As much as I'd love to, I frankly don't believe 'The Man' should get that much credit!
And speaking of a man, does anyone else find the concept of Father Christmas/Santa Claus creepy? A guy who spends all year finding out which children have been naughty or nice and then sneaks into their home. A worst, he's a paedophile, at best, a stalker. And what about the tooth fairy? What exactly does she do with all those teeth? Is she really a fairy or just a very smart and small genius, collecting evidence that can be used to frame others when she carries out her criminal acts?
There are some things that I've had to acknowledge as conspiracy theories. Like the earth being round. They almost tricked me with that one but come on, how stupid do you think I am?! (Don't answer that). I've been on a plane and walked to the edge of a cliff, and trust me, the earth is flatter than my chest was before puberty hit. I will concede that the ground is often uneven but I'll attribute that to much needed roadworks in London.
For years now, people have questioned whether man has actually walked on the moon. Do you know that it takes 5 years to get to the moon? So you're looking at a 10 year round trip before you've even spent anytime there. Think of all the awkward conversations you'd have upon your return where people say 'you had to be there'. But you weren't, for 10 years! If you had a partner or kids before you left, they may not even recognise you when you get back. And people say that you age quicker in space so everyone you left behind will not only have a load of inside jokes, but they'll also look better than you. Your mobile phone will be the equivalent of a Nokia 5110 and your clothes will be in that awkward phase where they're out of date but they're not so out of fashion that they become fashionable. Bearing this in mind, if the moon landing was faked, then I think it's completely understandable!
One of the biggest conspiracies of all - maths. It is designed to make people feel stupid and reinforce the idea that you need to remain in school. And then (in the UK), you need to have a GCSE grade of C or above to get a job so you're basically stuck.
And mirrors! Over the years, I have come to realise that it is not my reflection that I see but my evil fat twin. What else would explain why what I see in my head does not match what is reflected back at me. And it makes sense why I look 10lbs bigger on camera. It's Fatzi! And she creeps in when I call to leave someone a voicemail. Because there's no way that that annoying voice belongs to me.
Don't even get me started on Scotland. Obviously I know it exists but no one actually lives there. Who would volutarily live somewhere that is cold all year round?! I swear it snows in summer there. That's why they created the Lochness Monster myth, in the hope that the intrigue may drive some traffic to their country. Another reason why health and social care is free. And haggis! I've almost travelled to Scotland just to see if someone can really stomach the concoction. I think they've done it on purpose so it would be like an episode of Scotland vs. food.
There are some conspiracy theories that are even more retarded than the ones I came up with. Like the one that claims that the holocaust never happened. Yep, there are actual holocaust deniers! I didn't think it was something that was even up for questioning. It's not a fable like the Gruffalo, it's a genuine historical event, and an incredibly tragic one. The gall of some people!
After writing this post, I decided to google conspiracy theories and it's crazy just how many things have been dissected and turned into the ridiculous. There are actually more webpages dedicated to conspiracies than there are posts on my blog. And that is no easy feat people!
All this talk of conspiracies has taught me one thing, that people have way too much time. I know, it's the pot calling the kettle black but at least everything I say in my blog is true! :-p.
If people spent as much time looking for solutions as they do with finding problems in everything, the world would be a much better place. (Although that would probably then become another theory about how everyone has been brainwashed and turned into do-gooder robots.)