Fast forward a few weeks as I continued to indulge in goodies and realised that there is curvy, and there is flabby. To make myself feel better about my expanding thighs and waist line, I decided to bake some cakes for my family. Just to remove any trace of healthiness from them, I decided to smother one in cream cheese frosting (gotta get my calcium fix right?!).
A few weeks ago, I was having a conversation with my brother when he hailed barbie as a pioneer and inspiration for women. After I burst out laughing, he argued that she has had a range of careers, before it was commonplace for women to hold some of these positions. I did a search and amongst other things, Barbie has in fact been a football coach, an astronaut, a US Airforce Jet pilot and even the U.S. President. So (for once) my brother was actually making sense. Sadly, the main thing I took away from barbie was her unrealistic body proportions. In all the variations on Barbie, no one has actually produced a realistic version.
Whilst I enjoy the song 'All about the bass' and Nicki Minaj's 'Anaconda', both songs make negative references to skinny women. We should be celebrating all shapes and sizes rather than continuing the cycle of stigmatising one body type. Or we should be shifting the focus from body image to health. Because a larger person can be more healthy than a slender one. Being large doesn't mean someone is lazy, just like being slim is not necessarily a sign of discipline.
Having been both large and slim, I have found myself the subject of many assumptions. When I was larger, people assumed that all I did was eat and never moved. I actually was a gym member during my largest phases of life. I actually think I have a bigger appetite now that I'm slimmer. Some of the most insecure people I've met are gym goers. To look at them, you might think they walk around thinking they're God's gift whereas some of them are in the gym to try and fix the wrongs they see.
There are many reasons why I talk about body image and weight. In fact, here's an A-Z of why.
A - Appearance matters. As much as we like to tell ourselves that it doesn't, this is usually what we judge people on and what we remember.
B - my butt. I never realised it was especially large until people took it upon themselves to enlighten me. I don't think I ever really thought about it until I was conditioned to be so aware of it that I go out of my way to find tops and skirts that will (try as hard as they can) to hide it.
C - Calories. I was having a conversation with my brother (shock!) about my inability to save the other day. He told me I should treat my bank account like I treat calories, knowing exactly how many is in each thing without even having to think. He then said I should treat calories like I do my bank account, with little regard bordering on ignorance.
D - Dieting. Almost every female in my life is on a diet, myself included, I'm just failing at it right now. There are probably as many diets as there are types of food. I don't knock diets, because they can work but they're not feasible in the long term. You can't live life on a diet but I know I feel like I've been on one or another for most of my life. And if you're like me, that means that my stomach automatically rebels against dieting, causing me to eat worse that if I wasn't trying to lose weight, meaning that I then actually do need to diet.
E - Eating disorders are on the increase and contrary to what people think, they are quite easy to hide. With more extreme cases of anorexia, it can be easier to spot due to the physical manifestation of it but usually it is difficult to identify someone that is engaging in disordered eating. (http://www.hscic.gov.uk/article/3880/Eating-disorders-Hospital-admissions-up-by-8-per-cent-in-a-year).
F- Food. I love cake, chocolate, chips and carbs. I'm not obsessed with food beginning with the letter 'c' by the way, that was just coincidence. However, due to information that has become imprinted in my mind, I don't often enjoy eating any more. That's because any time I eat the foods that someone has told me I'm not supposed to, I feel guilty and even refer to it as 'cheating' or a 'cheat day'. The negative connotations have removed most of the pleasure I used to get from food.
G - Gymming is a great thing. Exercise is great for the body and mind but most of the people I know go for the way they look rather than for health reasons. I enjoy the sense of accomplishment I feel after a session and I have a little community there but even I have to admit that if there was a pill that did the same thing as exercise, I probably wouldn't have a gym membership.
H - Happiness. I remember being much happier as a young girl before we started comparing ourselves to each other and famous women. I never questioned my face or body because I didn't know that I should. How much happier would we be if we didn't have to worry about how we look and what people will think of us.
I - Insecurity is a dangerous thing. It ties in to my previous point as it can really rob us of our happiness. We can be our own worse critics and it is from this that worrying behaviours such as bullying and disordered eating can stem from.
J - Jealousy is usually a by product of insecurity and is usually when we can see the ugliest sides of ourselves. When I find someone unattractive, it's usually because of their behaviour rather than their outward appearance.
K - KFC. Why should we have to give up this beautifully fried chicken?!...I have yet to find something that compares to their hot wings, even if they are £100,000 per wing.
L - Love is a beautiful thing and it should really start within yourself. Some people call it arrogance, it should be a necessity. Once you love yourself, you won't allow yourself to be as moved by other people's opinions about how you should be.
M - Me Me Me! You are number one. How much use can you be to other people if you're not whole yourself. Focus on you and what makes you happy, not what other people tell you (unless it's me, then you should do it :-p). If you want to lose or gain weight, great! But do it because you want to (or a physician tells you).
O - It can become Obsessive. I know that can be my experience when it comes to my self image. I know the calorie count of almost everything, including how many calories can be burned by different forms of exercise. And for anything I'm not sure of, I have an app called Myfitnesspal which can fill in the gaps. One day, I spent 4 hours in the gym attempting to burn off the calories I had consumed that day. I drew the line at a more reasonable (ha!) two hours per session.
P - Personality is so much more important that how we look! It is personality that carries relationships, not just appearance. If we put as much effort into fixing our personality flaws as we do with our physical flaws, we probably would stop caring about the way people look altogether.
Q - Queen Bey aka Beyonce, who arguably has one of, if not the best body around, has even been accused of photoshopping herself on a regular basis. If she is insecure, what hope is there for the rest of us?!
R - I live by self imposed Rules (ie no carbs) but we all know that rules are meant to be broken. In fact, who makes these rules? Who decides what is beautiful? What is too fat or too thin? All of these things are subjective and change like the weather, so why do we try to live by these?
S - Surgery. I will never knock someone who wants to undergo cosmetic surgery. But it is sad that there are people who feel so uncomfortable/unhappy with the features they were born with that they will go through pain to achieve what they see as beautiful.
T - Twitter (and other social media). The Internet has now made it easier to anonymously abuse others. There is an abundance of ways to make someone feel bad about themselves. Why people don't just look away is beyond me but the type of people who engage in that kind of behaviour clearly have some issues of their own.
U - being Underweight can be as alienating as being overweight. It's not okay to make anyone feel bad about how they look. We didn't make ourselves.
V - Vanity is defined as excessive pride in or admiration of one's appearance (or achievements). Who decides what is excessive? Shouldn't we be allowed to celebrate one's self? After all, that's what birthday parties are about. We have cake and get presents to commemorate the day we bestowed ourselves upon the earth. No one calls that vain!
W - Weight which is pretty obvious as the driving force. But I've noticed that if I get compliments about my appearance, it is almost always related to when I have lost weight. And as nice as that can be, I can't help but question if it meant that I looked bad before or too fat before and then it induces a fear and pressure to remain at that size even if I lost weight accidentally (since my body never does what I want it to).
X is for Xylophone.
Y - You and I allow this to continue. Not only do we compare ourselves, we compare others. In doing so, all we achieve is making people feel inadequate, including ourselves.
Zeitgeist (probably can't be used in the context but I will find a Z dammit!) - We only have to look back through history to see the changing body shape trends over the years. In fact, it is dependent on where in the world you live. In some countries, being big is a sign of affluence and wealth. I don't know why I get so focussed on something that will change depending on what year it is and where I live.
So, the next time someone tries to make you feel bad about yourself, start reading them the above A-Z and they'll be so bored that they'll never hassle you again :-)