Despite my quiet and retiring demeanour, I decided to take a poll to see if my other female colleagues would agree that that the pseudo compliment was anything but. Whilst most people said that it wasn’t offensive (with Clare shouting her protestations over their slim and oh so feminine shoulders) they did agree that it was an odd comment to make and there were far better things to compliment someone on. I have maintained a good working relationship with Claire (whoops #sorrynotsorry) despite her verbal abuse, mainly because there are usually far too many witnesses to do anything else. But it’s made me think about how we choose to see things and what we hold on to. Just a few weeks before Claire called me a walking rectangle, she told me that she enjoyed looking at my face and loved the way I did my make up. I had actually completely forgotten this compliment in my strange desire to develop a shoulder complex instead.
There was a story last week about a young female barrister who was complimented by an older man regarding her profile picture on LinkedIn (search Charlotte Proudman if interested). She went as far as to name and shame him and post his picture online as a result of his comments which she perceived as sexist. I do see her point, that she was there for business purposes and therefore, her looks should not have been commented on due to being irrelevant. However, I do feel that her reaction was a bit over the top....She says having based a blog post around a comment on her shoulders. And also put it online... Like she also did in last week's blog, when another friend offended her. Moving swiftly on...
Every so often, I like to pretend that I’m enlightened, usually after seeing a quote along the lines of ‘Being happy is a choice yada yada blah blah’. So I get up and decide that I’m not going to let anyone or anything get to me that day. That usually only lasts until I step out of my house. Thing is, you often can’t control how you feel, and being offended is a feeling and (a lot of the time) it’s also your right. No matter how many times someone tells Charlotte Proudman that she should have just said thank you, she's not going to agree with that. I fundamentally believe that you can’t and shouldn’t try to talk someone out of being offended (because who are you to challenge their experience of something). Unless, of course, I did the offending. In that case, I try my very best to make the other person feel like an alien for interpreting my words in a way that would cause them to feel anything but great. That, or I totally dismiss their feelings altogether. My brother often tries to tell me that I minimise his feelings but he usually gives up when I offer to call him a wahmbulance.
So instead of getting offended, I'm going to stare at photos of Beyonce. Whilst wearing a vest top. BOOM!