(London Title: She's So Facety!)
Yep, she pays homage to Kanye West's facially stuck up daughter. Now before you start protesting, let me make it clear that I'm not insulting an infant. I'm just saying that given who her father is, it's not surprising that she has mastered scowling so beautifully. Or maybe she's just angry because she doesn't know which direction she's meant to go in.
I'm very grateful that 'black don't crack' because I'm so facially expressive that there really should be a collection of frown lines instead of my face. I play around with my face so much that instead of singing at her wedding, my sister wanted me to publicly lip sync and dance to a Michael Buble song.
I have the opposite of a poker face. Except, apparently, when I'm playing poker, because I always seem to win. Modesty aside, I do worry about how easy it is to figure out what I'm thinking because of a look on my face. I have practically no filter when I speak and write, so it would be in my interest to be able to keep something back.
Many times I have actually wished that I was two faced. It would get me in a lot less trouble if I was able to fake things better. Although, I guess technically I already am. The way I look without make up would make some think I'm an entirely different person.
With this in mind, I try my best to walk around with a smile on my face. But this causes it's own problems as people tend to think I am coming onto them or that I'm crazy. The upside to that is, it usually guarantees me a seat on public transport. Either through a chivalrous act with a hidden agenda or through fear of being trapped in the corner with the crazy one.
I have started to do this less now. I realised that smiling inanely gave people the wrong impression of me. They thought I was friendly.
Having a different face would make avoiding people you don't want to see so much easier. Instead of doing that thing where you look like you have a neck brace on just to avoid looking in that person's direction, you could just throw on another look. Like a human emoticon! I could have used this skill a few months back. I was shopping in Primark when I saw someone I really didn't want to. Being the stealthy person that I am, I crouched down behind one of the big tables as I waited for them to leave. Imagine my shocked face as her two feet suddenly appeared next to mine.
Stealing lines from my lyrical rival, Ms Swift (who is probably embarrassed that Labrinth has done a cover version of her single 'Shake it Off', which is much better than her original):
'Cause the players gonna play,
And the haters gonna hate,
Baby, I'm just gonna shake,
Shake it off, I shake it off
Heart-breakers gonna break,
And the fakers gonna fake,
Baby, I'm just gonna shake,
Shake it off, I shake it off