e.g.:
7, 39, 50, 6, 3, 10
Final number: 9,737,562,874,563.1
My problem was that I was only interested in maths when it could be applied to my silly teenage games. Like FLAMES (which stood for Friends, Lovers, Affair, Married, Engaged, Sex).
This was when you would write ‘your name’ loves ‘other name’. Then you would work out how many Ls, Os, Vs, Esand S’ were in both your names to make a sum. You would then continue to add the numbers until you got to double digits, which then represented the chance (in the form of a percentage) of it happening. You then added the numbers again to get a single digit, which would then be how many times you went through the FLAMES letters, and the letteryou landed on when you had counted your single digit would show what you and the other person would be. Who knew maths could be romantic! I have demonstrated this for you below so y’all don’t think I’m crazy…or crazier than you already know me to be.
Don’t even get me started on handwriting! All those years spent learning cursive, just to find out that I’ll be typing everything for the rest of my life. And my mum actually used to get annoyed at me for being on MSN Messenger instead of doing my homework, but guess what’s actually been carried through to adulthood mother?! I am now able to type quickly and simultaneously have a spoken conversation with someone about something else from all the times I had to defend my use of the computer whilst keeping current with the gossip. Unfortunately, I seem to have maintained my inability to focus on what I should be doing, and using devices for the wrong things such as blogging (instead of working whoops!). I’m just kidding! (My manager used to read this).
As I’ve been writing this blog, I’ve started to feel like I was lied to for most of my childhood. Most of the things I was told/learned and advice I was given just seems like rubbish now.
Stick and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me is probably the biggest lie of them all. Words hurt the most! That’s why it killed when a parent would say ‘I’m disappointed in you’. I would go outside trying to pick a switch just so my mum could beat me and get it over with. Words are the worst! That’s why there are psychologists and therapists in the world people!
Don’t talk to strangers…erm how else do you make friends?
If you can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all and then people complain when I don’t respond to them. Sometimes you just can’t win.
If you keep pulling faces, the wind will change and it will stay that way which isn’t all that scary since it is often windy so your face can just change right back. I always felt disappointed by this legendary and powerful wind that could freeze people’s faces but never seemed to. Sometimes I would turn my face into a powerful gust and would be upset when the only outcome was dirt in my eyes and mouth.
If someone hits you, don’t hit back, just tell the teacher which was the biggest anti-climax since the teacher wasn’t going to hit the kid either. This was probably effective advice in the days of corporal punishment but once that became outlawed; it just increased your chances of being hit again for being a snitch. I never snitched though, the key was to hit the person where no one could see the mark you left. And once you turn 18, this goes out of the window since you can punch people and claim self defence.
Finish your food, there are children in Africa that are starving and who would not be any less hungry if I finished my meal.
There’s no point crying over spilt milk…but there are children in Africa who have no milk at all!
Father Christmas is watching which worked as a behaviour modifier, not because I wanted a gift. But more because I wanted to avoid a visit from the creep that breaks into homes that he chooses based on the fact that there are young children residing there.
If you drink your milk, you’ll be strong and tall but I drank as much milk as my twin and he is 4.5 inches taller than me (although I am the stronger of us two). How is that fair? And then you wondered why I cried when I spilt it! It’s as disappointing as eating spinach and my biceps remaining the same size and just as flabby. Damn you Popeye!
We’ll see which meant you literally never will. The false hope given with this statement is akin to child abuse. Just say no! It’s the hope that makes it more painful.
We can go another time...maybe on the 12th of NEVER. Why didn’t you just say that then! 22 years on and I’m still waiting for a date for Disneyland.
If the ice cream van is playing music then it means it’s out of ice cream I’m not sure what’s worse, that I believed this lie or that I admire it.
If you keep crying, I’ll give you something to cry about which means I will still be crying and we will have resolved absolutely nothing. Best case scenario, you’ve succeeded in making me cry for even longer. Bravo!
Anyway, I'm off to find my future husband and show him the scientific evidence that should render that restraining order redundant.