After a few more weeks of him continuing to try his luck, I asked the killer question. 'Are you even single?'. The fool then confesses that he has a girlfriend and he was a 'very naughty boy'. This is much milder than how I would have put it but this is a profanity free blog (more or less).
I was livid. Not because I had any intention of making him any more than a friend (because that was literally never going to happen). But because he thought he could play me. He actually thought that all of this would be willing to share my love interest? He should be the one begging to be one of my concubines! I (still) am so offended that he thought he could have me and then go home to his girlfriend. I know, I should be more sympathetic. This guy clearly has mental health issues, namely delusional disorder.
What did it even mean? Was he planning to try and have us both? Or did he think I looked like a home wrecker? Either way, it doesn't show that he had much of a high opinion of me (or his poor unsuspecting gf).
Some helpful and informative questions are as follows:
- Is that your real name?
- Are you single?
- Are you married? ( follow up :how many times?)
- Are you separated?
- Are you divorced? (follow up :how many times?)
- Are you in a relationship?
- Are you 'single' but there is someone who thinks that they are in a relationship with you?
- Are you polyamorous?
- Do you have any children? (Follow up: how many?)
- What's the sitch with the baby mama/baby daddy?
- Is there a woman/are there women currently expecting your child?
- Are you currently pregnant with someone else's child? (obviously aimed at women)
- Have you been to prison? (Google search to back this up)
- Are you currently wanted for any crimes? (may want to contact local police department for verification)
- Are you in this country legally? (may need to see passport as proof)
- Are you on Facebook? (If not, they're hiding something!)
This list is by no means exhaustive.
I would suggest that you build up a rapport before starting the Spanish inquistion and maybe not be quite so blunt. I do not condone (but I do understand) the use of interrogation techniques.
Here are so clues that might suggest they may not be telling the whole truth:
- They run away
- They yell 'we were on a break'
- Their nose grows
- Their significant other walks in
- They suddenly go very still
- They fake a heart attack
- They have a real heart attack
- You notice their wedding ring
- They suddenly go deaf
- They suddenly lose their ability to speak
- They start to babble
- They suddenly develop a stammer
- They instinctively cover vulnerable body parts
- They stare at you without blinking
- They blink rapidly
- Their voice changes pitch
- They start to sweat
- They start breathing like Darth Vader
- They repeatedly call you by another name (unless your name is like mine and they just can't pronounce it).
All the best future daters, I hope this stands you in good stead. And apologies to any new singletons who dared to breach the DADT policy.