It made me think of how psychological our perception actually is. When I have a day of eating only vegetable and protein, by the end of the day, I am sure that I have become so skinny that I avoid any cracks, lest I fall through. Equally, when I have a day of indulgence, by the end of the day, I have already gone up a dress size.
Whenever I wear heels, I turn into a glamazonian woman. Suddenly my legs seem endless making the rest of my body appear stick thin. Then when I take them off, I feel like I’ve stepped into a house of mirrors because the one before has squashed me into a round ball with breasts.
The ignorance truly was bliss. Not for my heart, but for my mind. There are things that I don’t wear because of my shape but that rarely stopped me as a chubster. I wore tight jeans as if they would actually make me skinny, strutting down the road to the tune of ‘bootylicious’. There was no problem with me; the world just wasn’t ready for my jelly. I ate cheese wrapped in cheese topped with cheese without batting an eye lid. Now I work out for 2 hours to compensate for the bread crumb I had at lunch. There was a carefree attitude that came with being bigger, one that I really do miss. But I do blame some of that on food regulations.
In the time that I lost weight, it also became a legal requirement to list the number of calories and fat content on the front of food products. Before, I was none the wiser but now my food screams it fatness at me. The times when I want to indulge, the numbers are there reminding me of just what is going into my body. I look at a small pot of sticky toffee pudding and convince myself that the two bites it will take to consume must surely burn more calories than this tiny thing contained. But as I put it into my shopping trolley, it rolls over to reveal that it is 600 calories. As I snack on a cucumber later, I tell myself that it tastes just the same.
‘I can’t stop eating, my menses must be coming’
‘I’m eating loads because I’m on’
‘I’m ravenous because I was on last week’
This covers me all month long. God help me when I’m pregnant, and twins run in my family! Although, people have thought I’ve been pregnant in the past and I’ve had to reluctantly explain that the only thing I’ll be giving birth to is a food baby.
I suppose it’s not that different to false eye lashes, hair extensions and sometimes even make up. In some way, we are all guilty of using ways to distort the truth.
A few years ago, I watched another classy TV show called tool academy. I was a show where girlfriend’s take their boyfriend to train them to behave better. I always thought it would be easier to just find a new one but each to their own. One year, there were 5 girls who knew that they had been cheated on 7 times. It seemed to be the acceptable number for some reason like some sort of 7 time itch. But add an eighth and all hell would break loose. Another one of the girls had been with her guy for 6 years, and in that time, he never acknowledged her as his girlfriend. There was secret footage where he repeatedly stated that he was single. But it didn’t need to be obtained in a clandestine operation because the girl was fully aware that her boyfriend declared his singledom to the world. You’re probably thinking that these guys must have looked like models to get away with that behaviour. But nope, one guy had a face like a foot.
“Truth about tears is that , most tears are the result of a delusion”
― Pop Samuel