I went to one of my regular gym classes today but the usual instructor was on holiday so she arranged cover. This was the second week that this particular substitute had covered.
Before I went to the gym, I was sat on my bed wishing there was a pill that could do the same thing as exercise so I wouldn't have to move. I called my friend and tried to talk her out of going so I could use the excuse that I wasn't going to go without her. But she was adamant that she was going so I got my stuff together and reluctantly drove to the gym.
As the class went on, I looked to my friend to provide me comical relief since I really wasn't in the mood to work out. We both stand at the front of the class in front of the mirrored wall so I make eye contact with her reflection (not as creepy as it sounds, or if it is, she frickin loves it!).
Whilst one of the tracks was playing, my friend pulled the most dramatic pose as she attempted to end the song with flourish. She hadn't realised that there was more of the song to go. I found it hilarious and couldn't hide my laughter as I continued to be put through my paces.
'you're not making this easy for me...you can just go home'
I squinted at her as I tried to decipher what she was saying and just who the heck she thought she was talking to. The rest of the class picked up on this, since she was staring directly at me and speaking into her mic and were equally as shocked as I was.
I felt blood dripping down my chin as I bit my lip in an effort not to cuss her out. In between the tracks, I spoke to my friend who agreed that Ms Loco must have thought I was laughing at her.
I. Was. Livid.
1) Who is she?
2) Is laughing suddenly illegal?
3) How big is her ego to think she had even registered on my radar?
4) Does she pay my monthly membership to be telling me to go home? Was she going to refund me for the class?
5) Does she think we're in school for her to be telling me off like some teacher?
6) Why does she think it's okay to talk to someone like that?
7) Why does she think it's appropriate to do that over a microphone?
8) Why doesn't she just admit she's in love with me? She must be, because I wasn't the only one who laughed but she couldn't seem to take her eyes off me.
9) Who is she?!?!
10) Seriously, who the fudge is she?!
I wanted to break her face. If there weren't so many witnesses, I would probably be in a holding cell at Croydon Police station instead of writing this blog.
For the rest of the class, I kept my mouth shut and focussed only on myself. I couldn't even bring myself to look at my friend because I didn't think I'd be able to contain the anger I felt.
It may sound like an over reaction, but this woman was rude. Even if I had been laughing at her (which I wasn't), that's not how you deal with things. ESPECIALLY as the instructor. You don't call someone out over the mic. If she had a real problem, we could have settled it outside in the good old fashioned way. When the class was over, I didn't even trust myself to walk down the stairs behind her in case I 'accidentally' tripped her up.
What's funny is that the second the track ended, teach suddenly lost her voice. When I asked her to repeat herself, suddenly she was deaf and mute but still kept her obsessive gaze on me. She had a face like a smacked arse and I wanted to make sure it felt like one too.
As regulars, we know each other's characters, so the other girls spoke up and told the woman that no one was laughing at her. And that we sometimes laugh at silly things to get us through the class. I remained silent. I didn't need to explain myself to her. And it would be a waste of my breath because she was clearly nuts. Bish was bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. The whole class was worried enough by her freakazoid reaction that everyone (excluding me obviously) proceeded to ask her if she was okay. Stupid question really because no one of a sound mind would challenge me the way she did. The class ended on an awkward note with Nutty McNuttison admitting that she must have misunderstood and apologised (suddenly her eyes couldn't find my face). As her apology was a lot less public than her retarded mistake, and it wasn't even directed at me, it has yet to be accepted.
Some things just don't end on a positive note. This is one of them.