Every time I go on Facebook, I am presented with statuses by people who are holding down full time work, maintaining a household and looking after their child(ren). The thing is, there are things that I do on a daily basis that fill me with a similar type of pride. But I can't help but think that I am on a different level to these super people who are clearly FB friends with me for the sole purpose of highlighting my stunted growth as a human being.
If I wasn't embarrassed by my inability to progress in to adulthood, my Facebook status updates would probably read like this;
Ngozi remembered to turn her hair straighteners off and did not burn down the house.
Ngozi remembered to turn the iron off and did not burn down the house.
Ngozi did not lose her Oyster card this week.
Ngozi made it through another day without getting fired.
Ngozi has managed to go one week without ordering take away.
Ngozi just took an awesome selfie.
Ngozi was able to perform the Fresh Prince of Bel Air rap and still knew ALL the lyrics.
I recently moved house and was impressed with the fact that I was able to pay my deposit and first month's rent without dipping into my overdraft. My 'I have arrived at adulthood' moment was quickly halted when I realised that both amounts had been paid to the 25 year old that owned the flat.
I am painfully aware that my last few posts have featured the topics of adulthood and growing old. I am also aware that as you grow older, you seem to talk a lot about growing older. I am trying my hardest to not be repetitive and cover the same points that my other posts have but I fear that I am failing. Mainly because I can't actually remember exactly what I said in my previous posts and also because I fear that if I start to read them, I will fall asleep for the night and not finish composing this blog post. Just another few consequences of growing old that we have to look forward to.
Somehow, I have managed to achieve feeling old without actually feeling like an adult. Yes, that makes as little sense to me as it does to you. In my heart, I still feel like an 18 year old but as I open my mouth/type and the ranting begins, I realise that somewhere along the line, I have become an angry old woman who still thinks she's a child.
My new house mate and I are still in the process of getting to know each other. Last night over dinner, I found myself getting worked up as I ranted about how irritating school children and teenagers are when travelling on public transport. I saw him try to mask the growing panic as he struggled to work out just what he had allowed to move into his flat. When I realised that he had pushed his chair so far back that it was almost out of the kitchen, I decided to change tactic and tried to pretend that I was normal. I (unsuccessfully) did this by explaining that it was not me with the problem, but the children. I waxed lyrical about the fact that children of today have little respect for their elders, play their music out loud and use profanity without abandon in public places. And just to reinforce my cool and hip persona, I emphatically stated that my generation would not have behaved in that way. Thanks to my aging brain, I can't actually remember how the conversation ended but I know that it was shortly after he was forced to inhale his dinner so he could run to his room and figure out how to legally break our contract.
In addition to an increased frequency in nonsensical ramblings (evidenced repeatedly in this blog), I noticed that I have become more anti-social as the years go on. I recently had dinner with my friend and we were talking about whether someone would develop an app that was like the opposite of Tindr. So instead of showing you the locations of all the people you like so you could find them, it would show you the locations of all the people you know so you can plan out a route specially designed to avoid them. This would literally become the most used app on my phone. I don't know why someone hasn't designed this yet! I'm getting excited at the thought of all the awkward conversations that could be avoided. The wrinkle lines that could be delayed by not having to fake smile your way through a boring conversation with someone that was too simple to recognise that you had in fact seen them standing at the platform and had chosen to stare in the opposite direction for 20 minutes for that very reason. And imagine if there was a 'work mode' feature so you could avoid colleagues. There's nothing I hate more than trying to figure out the perfect pace that allows me to still catch my train whilst staying significantly behind the colleague in front of me but too far ahead for the one behind me to catch up. It takes more work than work itself!
The one thing about getting older that's really hitting me at the moment is how fast time goes by. I can't believe that we are already in September! I used to roll my eyes at older people who told me to cherish my time because it flies by before you know it. I also hated the phrase 'life is short' and would usually give a smart ass answer of 'but it's the longest thing we will ever do'. But they were actually right. I spend my week days counting down to the weekend, and those two days go by in the blink of an eye so I end up wishing my life away. I planned to be married and with child by the age of 30 but I still haven't managed to find out where Michael Fassbender lives so I'll have to push that target back now! I was also supposed to be a super famous blogger by now but in between my afternoon naps and staring at pictures of food on Instagram, I kind of forgot to blog on the regular.
You're probably all thinking that despite how much I'm moaning about how quickly time is passing me by, I have (unfortunately) now managed to find time to pollute your eyes with my nonsense. Well people, if you take nothing else away from my blogs, remember to find the time to do the things that bring you pleasure. Cough*like reading my blog*cough.