I am so angry you can probably hear me bashing the keyboard from where you are.
Earlier today, I was making my way back to my desk, minding my own business (for a change) when someone decided to enlighten me. This thoughtful helper decided it would be a good idea to publicly inform me that I had started to put on the weight I had recently lost, and she could see it in my thighs. She then pointed to my thighs in case I didn’t know where they were. Although, by her announcement, you would think they were so big that they’d make their presence known all by themselves.
I sarcastically replied ‘Aw thanks, that’s just what every woman wants to hear’.
I immediately started to walk away as I could feel my hands start to ball into fists, and there were far too many witnesses to the assault that would follow.
As I walked away, she continued so spew her advice.
‘I’m telling you so you can get back to where you were. I want to see you having salad for lunch’. I want to see your face crumpled by my shoes (since we know I’m heavy enough to do that) but we can’t have everything.
I am far too pretty for prison, so in order to avoid being a bigamist with a load of prison wifeys, I stomped my fat thighs back to my seat.
I huffed and puffed very loudly but when no one responded to my pity party invitations, I decided to chew Emma’s ear off about the matter. I then sent messages to my entire phone book about it. Then I stood in the kitchen waiting for someone, anyone, to come in so I could vent some more.
I knew it was going too far when I started to think of ways that I could cause her physical pain without being detected. So here I am folks!
Seriously, why do people think it’s okay to make these kinds of comments?
In what world would I want to hear this information? A good indication of my need for ignorance would be in the fact that I didn’t ask her for her opinion. And even if I had, everyone knows you’re supposed to lie!
Here are 10 quick and easy ways to deal with rude people/comments:
1. Hit them. If every time they say something rude, they feel pain, they will be conditioned to stop saying rude things.
2. Tell them you don’t speak English. If they challenge you (because you are actually speaking English), tell them you only learned that sentence and this subsequent explanatory one.
3. Say ‘Okay’. I always find indifference to be a slap in the face.
4. Oooh slap them in their face. If they get angry, tell them you were giving them a high 5 for such an informative comment.
5. Say ‘I’m pregnant. And it’s yours’.
6. Say ‘I didn’t want you to feel like the odd one out’
7. Say ‘thanks, so when’s your baby due?’
8. Say ‘Ooh now we’ll look like twins!’
9. Say ‘I’ve been on a weight gain plan and it’s been a bit slow, but yours seems to be working. What’s your secret?’
10. Say ‘I appear to have gained about the same weight as your mouth has since it’s so big’.
Disclaimer: I do not condone the use of violence unless I can guarantee that it will not be traced back to me.