As I watched the film, I wondered whether I would have had the courage to take a stand and risk my life in the way that these freedom fighters did. And so many of them did it with grace and dignity. I mean, I get violent if TGI Fridays run out of my favourite rack of ribs, let alone if someone was denying me a basic legal right.
About a month ago at work, someone came into the kitchen as I was washing up after having my lunch. He asked if the fork I had just washed was mine, and despite me saying yes, he took it and left the kitchen. Anyone who knows me would agree that I am not usually one to shy away from speaking my mind but I was so shocked by his gall that I did and said nothing. Well, to his face at least. Instead I told all my colleagues about the bad man who stole my fork and was rendered speechless each time they asked me why I didn't stop him. He walked away pretty quickly (the only time I'd seen him have any sense of urgency about him) but there was nothing stopping me following him or coming up to him later and explaining that it was my personal fork and was not to be shared. Till this day, I don't know what became of my fork. I labelled him the fork stealer, even joining a Twitter shaming campaign with Emma in the hopes of getting #forkstealer trending. My approach to this minor injustice was to avoid the kitchen when he was there and on the odd occasion that he entered after to me, I quickly grab any cutlery and hold onto it for dear life as I Usain Bolt it out of the kitchen.
By no means am I comparing my fork being stolen to people having their rights denied. I'm just using the example of how I was unable to stand up for myself for such a minor issue that I can't help but admire those who contributed to me, as a black woman, having the rights I have today.
Me: May I ask what ethnicity you are?
Her: I'm English.
Me: Sorry, what race would you describe yourself as?
Her: (laughs) English.
Me: Are you white, black, Asian, mixed?
Her: (raises her voice). I'm English!!!! British!!
Me: People of different races could be considered English or British. (Slows down voice) Are you white? (pause) black? (pause) mixed? (pause) Asian (pause) or other?
Her: (shouts) I'm English, White obviously.
Maybe because I had just seen Selma, but this conversation really got under my skin. It frustrated me that even in this day and age, there are still some people who believe that you can only be English if you are white.
- How can you breathe through a nose so flat?
It may not be as big as yours but it works in the same way. Unlike our brains, since I know how to use mine and you clearly don't.
- How do you wash your hair?
Have you really got this far in life and not worked out how to maintain your personal hygiene? You don't ask me how I shower so you must know that some things work the same for different races.
- Where were you born? Followed by where were your parents born (if your answer is the same country as the asker).
Don't assume that every person of colour is born elsewhere.
- You have a really good grasp of the English language...
I would hope so since it's my first language. I don't actually need your validation but since we are on the topic, go look up the differences between your and you're and their vs there vs they're.
- Can I call you Afro-Carribean?
Can I call you British-European? It is just as unnecessary. I'm from Nigeria which is in Africa, there is no Carribean in me. And better yet, there's nothing wrong with the word black. It's not a bad word, it's not dirty, you don't have to whisper it. It is okay!
- So this coloured guy...
STOP!!! Unless you're a ghost (which are white with silver chains anyway) we all have colour in us so it's pretty silly label to use. I had an Indian friend who used to insist on calling herself brown and argued that she was different than me because I was black. I should have told her to go to Specsavers because we were pretty close in colour but my girl was acting like I was made from tar.
- I hope Barack Obama wasn't voted for just because he's black.
The real statement should have been, I hope his opponent wasn't voted for just because Obama is black.
- Why do you get to say the N word but I can't?
REALLY?!
- But if I'm saying the lyrics of a song, it should be okay to say the N word.
What is your obsession with using that word? If you are so keen to say it, that probably says a whole lot about your motivation and exactly why you really shouldn't be saying it. I don't feel comfortable saying that word as a black person so you certainly shouldn't want to scream it from the roof tops #undercoverracist. Yes Quentin Tarantino, I'm talking to you too!
- I've never dated a black person before.
Do you want a medal? Maybe a token for having a token. The first ever person you dated would have been your first [insert race here] but I'm sure that wasn't the focus then, so why is it now?
- You're always playing the race card
To be fair, I do this a lot because I like making people uncomfortable but I'm talking about instances where the issue is clearly about race and people accuse others of being too sensitive. Please do not be so quick to dismiss someone's experience of racism or to tell them it doesn't exist. You wouldn't dismiss trivial feelings like a friend having a fat day or having an argument with their partner so you definitely shouldn't roll your eyes at someone who feels that they are being discriminated against because of something they can't change.
- I'm not racist but...
The second you add a 'but' or introduce a topic with that kind of disclaimer, it is almost certain that you are being the very thing you claim not to be.
- I'm not racist, I have a [insert race] friend
It sounds like you have that friend for the sole purpose of using them as a shield when being accused of racism. Plus a token does not disqualify you.
- Oops I can't say your name, I'm just going to call you...
I like the name my mother gave me just fine thank you. I've answered to it for 28 years and I'm not going to be renamed just because you can't speak. If you're cultured enough to be able to pronounce Tchaikovsky then you can say Ngozi.
-You/they are all...
Although I have done it for ease in this blog post, it's generally not a good idea to lump people together based on a belief that sole characteristic makes an entire group the same. When people talk like this, it creates a 'them' vs 'us' dynamic when it should be 'we'.
- Are you related to/Do you know...?
This really doesn't need explaining.
- [black guy walks past] Ooh isn't he really cute?
Yes he is. In fact, I think I'll marry him on the sole basis that we are both black and therefore must be made for each other. [white guy walks past and all falls silent].
- Everyone's a little bit racist
Whilst I see some truth to this statement, it doesn't mean it's okay.