Nyssa had never played crazy golf before because she was worried about her inability to control the rage that she would inevitably feel due to her lack of skill. I had never played before because I didn't have confidence that I would be remotely competent at the game. I'd rather never do something than try and fail.
I am a firm believer in the use of barriers when I go bowling. I have perfected my throw to the point where I know exactly where on the barrier to aim for so that the bowling ball will bounce off and roll towards the middle, ensuring me at least a half strike.
My brother, of course, strutted onto the course as if he was England's answer to Tiger Woods. As we waited to purchase tickets, he held up different golfing clubs pretending he knew the difference between them. When I pointed this out, he was quick to remind me that any of them would be more than capable of hitting me.
Nyssa experienced the same frustrations as I. To the point where she threw a childlike tantrum and sliced the ball in anger. Not only was I surprised that she connected with the ball, she did so with such ferocity that I found myself diving out of the way to avoid getting a ball to the face. My twin accused me of reacting dramatically but pretended not to hear me when I offered to throw the golf ball at his face to see just how much it would hurt.
Knowing he was a child, I decided to rise above and be the bigger person. I attempted to hit his golf ball off the green. Being the skilled golfer that I am, I succeeding only in hitting the air above it.
Suitably chastised by my twin and my friend, we moved to the next hole. My friend offered the devil child the opportunity to go first, as he followed us to the next hole. He calmly declined and agreed to wait his turn. Nyssa went first and got an extremely fluky hole in one. As she raised her arms up in celebration, my brother and I were met with the vision of her golf ball sailing over them as Lucifer threw it into the nearby stream. Without realising, he had taken strong offence to my failed attempt to clear his ball from our game, and had visited his frustrations upon Nyssa. The funniest part was that she had loudly proclaimed him to be her lucky charm, just as her golf ball flew out of his hand. We barely had a chance to celebrate her phenomenal swing before Damien rose from the pits of hell to steal her ball.
He actually had the nerve to be annoyed at me for trying to move his ball, despite that fact that it was he that had encroached on our game. As I tried to reason with him, he had a sudden onset of deafness, which was triggered when I demanded to know where his mother was. We spent the rest of the game looking over our shoulders for errant golfing balls that might come flying in our direction. We also attempted to locate the woman responsible for introducing this monstrosity into the world.
As we got to our final hole, the thug sheepishly rolled a golf ball towards Nyssa, in an attempt at an apology. He then proceeded to run across the green repeatedly, ensuring that the ball would not go anywhere near the hole. I hoped that I'd have an opportunity to 'accidentally' hit him with the ball, but that would have involved me actually being able to get my club to connect with the ball. At that point, his mother did appear and demanded that he get off the green. We toyed with the idea of reporting the rest of his bad behaviour, as we worried that it was a bit juvenile to snitch. But it was the principle. By the time we had decided to tell on him, his mum had vanished again. The adversary returned as if from thin air. We then discovered what his name was and I proceeded to shout 'Nathaniel' in an attempt to intimidate him. Unfortunately, I did it so loudly that his mum came back out to see what was going on. As I looked everywhere but at her, another child from the group decided to snitch on the he-devil. Sadly, this came at the very end of the course.
There would have been no way that any of us would have been able to disrespect an adult (and a stranger at that) in that way and still be alive to tell the tale. It wouldn't have even crossed my mind to think that I could skip the queue or disrupt another person's game. There were roughly 10 kids in this group (approx 7-10 years old) and no adult supervision. But I suppose if any of them were my kids, I'd probably have gone into hiding too.
Speaking of hiding, that's exactly what I would have got if I behaved like this boy did. Whilst I'm not advocating spanking, a little supervision wouldn't have gone amiss! It took every fibre of my being to not throw my golf club at him. I breathed so deeply that I became light headed and whispered 'he's not worth going to prison for' to myself so much that I'm sure the people behind us considered getting me sectioned.
I'm not a stickler for the rules and I'm all for a good time but as the events unfolded I understood why people say 'it's all fun until someone gets hurt'. If there weren't so many witnesses, there's is no doubt that that kid wouldn't have been mysteriously hit by a ball.
If it wasn't for his antics, there's no doubt in my mind that my prowess would have been recognised by a scout and I would have found myself on the fast track to golfing glory. But this kid decided to pee, I mean tee all over my dreams!