As I look out of my window at the overcast sky, I wonder why I still live here despite complaining about the fact that all it does is rain here.
Maybe I stay because of the optimism in this country. I’ve noticed that a lot of English people have an unwavering faith in the ability of a cup of tea to solve all of life’s problems. ‘Go on, have a cuppa, the mug is only half full!’
I’ve noticed that the English are very quick to defend themselves or their country. It’s a quality that I really admire. In that way that you can badmouth your family, but God help any non-relation who tries to insult them. I love England in a way that is expressed by pointing out all its flaws, until someone from outside of England tries to abuse it. Then, England becomes the best place in the world to live with me hurling abuse at Australians and Americans as I remind them of where they came from.
I’m so serious about trying to protect England that I wanted to join an organisation that was as motivated as I was. So you can imagine my surprise when I was refused membership to the English Defence League (EDL).
Some of the very things that the EDL stand against are the things that make me love England. Well, more specifically London. I love that I can walk past a Chinese restaurant, a Pizza Hut, a Jerk Chicken shop and an Indian takeaway, all on the same street. I love that where I live, there are as many Asians as there are blacks as there are whites and so on. There are over 300 languages spoken in England. And yet the people who struggle to speak English the most are usually the English. The only person who speaks the Queen's English, is the Queen.
I was listening to a group of youngsters on the bus recently when I noticed that many English words seemed to have been replaced with just one. 'Like'.
The conversation went like this:
So I was like - shut up! and she was like - no you shut up. So I was like, I know you ain't talking to me. And she was all like 'I don't see anyone else here'.
I'm guilty of doing the same thing. I never use the word 'said' anymore, instead substituting it for the word 'like'. I love this word so much that if I'm discussing my friend having a crush, I find myself saying:
'Do you like him, or do you like, like like him?'
I also find myself finishing sentences with 'innit' or 'd'you know what I mean?' instead of a customary full stop.
I also love how so many things sound like a contradiction. For example, public schools are actually the kind that only the rich can attend. And suffrage is actually a good thing despite sounding like it should be the opposite.
The people in Marrakech were the type of hustlers that rappers write about. You had to barter for everything. My friend was even offered two camels in exchange for my hand in marriage. I remember my relief upon returning to England when I stepped into Tesco and saw fixed prices. It was so calming to not have to haggle my way through the day. But even some weeks after, I caught myself arguing with the staff in Accessorize over the price of a handbag, insisting that they give me a fair price.
I had never felt more proud to be English than during the 2012 Olympics. Not just because we were awesome, but also because of the camaraderie throughout the country. The only time I wasn't repping good ol' Blightly was when I became an Afro-Caribbean for all the athletic races. Suddenly having a Jamaican ex-boyfriend meant that I lay claim with the rest of them when Usain Bolt and his marginally slowly colleagues took the Gold, Silver and Bronze medals. Don't judge me, even Prince Harry does it to