After a few ignorant comments recently, I thought I would do a post about some of the dumbest shiz I have heard in relation to this.
This will pretty much read as a 'what not to say to a black girl'.
- Just because I am black, does not mean that I'll know how to braid hair.
- My inability to braid hair does not mean I am not a 'real' black woman.
- Slave days are over honey. I do not need to fix your hair for you. Get yourself to a hair dresser. If you don't see me in a salon, then don't ask me that stupid question.
2). Can I touch your hair?
- What is wrong with the hair on your own head if you need to stroke something? I'm not a pet, so no, you can not touch it.
Although, I should be grateful people even ask since I have had random strangers just start touching it before.
3). Is that your hair?
- Do you see it on my head?! Then bish them fibres are all mine!
- If you are asking if I am wearing hair extensions, then yes, it is still considered my hair since I paid for the damn thing!
4) Is your hair real?
Unless you're on hallucinogenics, there's no reason to doubt that what you see is real. Although I can understand why you might think I'm a fantasy :-p
5) Why is Beyonce's hair different to yours?
- I apologise! I forgot that all black women should have identical hair styles! God forbid that we have some form of individuality.
Plus, she's rich enough to change her hair every five seconds. At some point, we've probably all had the same hair as her.
6). Why do black women always wear fake hair?
- Not all black women do.
- It's not exclusive to black women dear. Do you think Cheryl Fernandez-Versini-blah blah has hair that is naturally that thick?! Even her L'Oreal advert comes with a disclaimer that her hair is styled with extensions.
7).So your natural hair is like pubes?
- Well my pubic hairs are but that's a bit overfamiliar don't you think?!
8a). What happens if your hair gets wet?
- Erm it becomes moist to the touch. A bit like yours does I imagine.
8b) What would you do if I threw water on you?
- Kill you.
8c) How do you shower if you can't wet your hair?
- Crazy thing called a shower cap.
9). OMG my hair is naturally so curly, I know exactly how you feel!
- No you don't and it's not the same thing.
10). I don't usually find black women attractive, but I think you're really pretty.
- Aw shucks! Thanks Sir! Unfortunately, I'm not attracted to retards.
A guy actually told me that he didn't know what makes a black or Asian woman attractive and he tried to understand why he fancied me but I was 'bloody gorgeous' so he didn't give it too much thought. Cue awkward pause as he waited for my gratitude for the world's worst backhanded compliment. (Spoiler alert: it never came).
- Granted, I learned this the hard way in the Summer of 2005 whilst in Portugal, but we burn and burn well. Some people think we blend into the dark at night time but I assure you when the sun is out, it is kissing my black ass!
9). I fancy Will Smith
- Good for you! However, I don't so unfortunately, we're not going to bond just because you managed to make yourself fancy a famous black man.
10) Can you teach me how to twerk?
- Nope! You either have it or you don't sweetie.
11). You have an ass like Kim Kardashian!
- No bae, Kim Kardashian has an ass like mine.
13). I love rap music!
- Knowing the theme tune for Fresh Prince of Bel Air doesn't really count.
14) [Black guy enters the vicinity] oooh he's hot, do you fancy him?
- Believe it or not, I look for more than just matching skin colour in my partner. They may all look the same to you but there are more things to have in common than the colour of our skin!
15). You are ghettofabulous!
- The only thing ghetto about me is the way I'm gonna beat yo' ass for that comment.
16) Why are you angry?
- Firstly, see above reasons!
- if those don't apply, chances are, if my skin colour was different, you might be calling me enthusiastic or passionate instead.
I'm going to stop now because this is starting to read like Diary of a Mad Black Woman and I'm trying to fight stereotypes here.